CONVERSATIONS (1)

by Luc Majno on Tuesday, September 21, 2010 at 10:03pm

INTERVIEWER :  ‘It must have been real difficult for you in those times of…    poverty.

Mr. Rodson :  ‘Horrible.  In fact, I remember one time, I was driving my car (so carefully not to eat up too much gas) and I had .95 cents in my pocket…  no food in the house, an empty fridge, my account was at ‘0’, and I was hungry…  (pause)  …  and there I was…  delivering CDs to friends with my last gas ‘until wednesday after midnight’ (payday).  One more day to go through, without money…  this was on a tuesday afternoon, I felt like Jack in the Titanic:  ‘I am on God’s good humour!’…  totally powerless over what was going to happen next… I can’t tell you the despair you feel, the loss of humanity in all of it, the insensitive and indifferent world that we live in… No friends to borrow money from, and even if you did, you wouldn’t want to burden them with all this shit…’  (pause)…   And then, like a ray of sunshine peaking out on a cloudy day, I go to the mailbox and find a check from a friend, paying me back a debt.’  The sun was shining directly over me.  I am holding this check in my hand, realizing how tragically sick I felt inside;  to be totally broke (and useless to society), with nothing, nothing at all, and then ‘poof’…  all of a sudden you have ‘money’…  NOW, you can go and eat.  Before you couldn’t…  Five minutes ago, I couldn’t…  Do you follow me?’

INTERVIEWER (smiles and nodds):  I can assure you, though, that no, I can’t say I do know how you feel, but I understand and…  I feel for you.  It seems there is no justice there.

Mr. Rodson:  ‘Exactly my point, and I am so glad you mentioned that.  I took this ‘check’ in my hand, and then literally threw it on the seat next to me as if it had ‘burned’ me, after realizing how awful it had felt, and how I realized also that this was a Blessing that I had received.  Perhaps a combination of being so moved because I had received this ‘gift’ and the anger at the helplessness I felt inside because I was so powerless…  And anyone who has lived through a life… or episodes of serious poverty will admit…  Why do you think people commit suicide anyway??’

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